Sights and sounds.

I pick up the phone, and I hear the silent, unending beep on the other end. I think of you, of how you would sound like saying hello, hi, I love you? I lie back down on the bed, feeling the cold down feathers pressing against my cheek, winding my fingers around the cord. Maybe velvety, the kind that slinks it's way around hearts with oblivious, quaint charm. Maybe husky, rough and raspy, a voice that doesn't need to be strained to be heard. Maybe it's soft, and beautiful, a voice that is the carrier of lullabies when I have trouble sleeping, that entwines my being with every word uttered. Or even dull, monotonous, the kind that takes a person forever to decipher the emotions beneath the lull of the voice.

I flip over, trying to match you to every voice possible. Sultry, whispery, harsh, cold, joyful, brisk, intoxicating, beautiful.

And then I hear the white noise on the other end. I smile, and lay the phone back on the reciever, lying back down on my back, looking up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling.

Thinking. Wishing. Dreaming. Imagining the casual string of words in which you would draw from your lips, that I know I would always come to love.

Nictionary.

Yes.

Pulling me back, pulling me in, just like gravity.

So I dropped a note off on the counter top after I took a short shower and blew dry my hair. Grabbed my things, the books, the card, the money, the phone and shot out the door. And I'm walking and walking, and I'm thinking. And each step takes me a little further away from what troubled me. And I realized it was cause I wasn't close to this place I call home.

I'm not saying that I hate being there. I just feel so trapped.

So I turn off my phone, settle it in my pocket and put on some Buble that makes me want to prance around the street like a Broadway musical. I eat lunch by myself, staring at the little cute kid who constantly plays peek-a-boo with me between the chairs. Paying the bill. Walking off.

Studying in the library. Tuning off the thoughts that ran wild in my head. It was practically a breath of fresh air. All in my head was all that jazz, and it keeps the shadowy ghosts of troubles at bay.

All I needed was some time alone, and away from all this.

But now I'm back, surrounded, swallowed by reality. Nothing good ever lasts.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.

I've had a rough couple of days.

And today, after the carnival, I got bombed on Formspring.

And then I've got the good ones. Which make me feel a whole lot better.

But God only knows how much dancing and these people make me feel like I'm worth something. Dancing with them makes everything go away.

But I'm being taken away the privilledge of expressing myself. I've been asked by my parents to quit the crew countless number of times. And just recently, they have decided that sending me to ballet is too much of a stress to handle, and they stopped me.

I'm lost. And I don't know what to do.

But I'd like to thank the few people who made me feel a lot better :) People like Nasri, Harry, Kieran, Arthur, Eunice, Chooi Jing, Jasper, Kimberly and Irah. It wasn't great words of wisdom, but it was enough to keep me comfortable for a moment.

I'm totally worn out emotionally. Need to sleep this shit off.

Jenners.

So, finally the class had a photoshoot. Ngeh. Bored of my hair.

Wish my hair was back.

:(

When all that's lost, remains.

So in here, I'm with you.

In your arms, I'm submerged beyond comfort. In your heart, I stay with an ache for your touch that can't seem to go away. In your eyes, I'm worth more than what I am. In your warmth, I am scalded and seared by your fervour. In your words, I am swayed by the quintessence of your quaint confabulation. In your mind, I walk around tirelessly in endless circles. In your caress, I am embraced like a wounded child. In your clasp, is a fused together piece of us which I refuse to let go.

But, you are no longer.

For I have woken up, and in my mind, the image of your face does not linger.

I have to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.

I finally have nothing to say.

I hate how you leave me in pieces. I'm holding on, waiting for you to patch this heart back together again.