I'm still impossibly confused at this birthday thing. It doesn't feel like much difference, except the constant flood of notifications on facebook. Is it supposed to have a significant meaning of some sort, being a year older?
I hardly get any more freedom than I have now. I'm still the same, on the inside, on the outside. The same wild hair, asian eyes, terrible skin. The same confusion when it comes to emotions, to decisions I can't decide upon.
Sometimes birthday's are pretty weird. It's like standing in a room filled with countless numbers of people, but feeling so alone.I've recieved tons of wishes, but hardly any makes me genuinely smile. Maybe the one or two that stands out from the rest, but that's all.
I'm just contended, under the sheets of my cold cold bed, warmed up by the heat inside, lying down by my side, reading Where The Wild Things Are, wishing for a light rain and probably an iPod with Corinne Bailey Rae and John Legend on constant replay, to perfect the scene.
I don't need to go out with you guys, not to get new clothes, not to get a new phone or a crazy new gadget (probably an iPod?), just maybe a ukulele to make up the guitar after Lucas leaves.
Maybe I just want you guys to remember. Not yell at me everytime I stumble or mess up. I'm a teen, I sleep late, I wake up with acne splashed all over my face, I get dramatic, I get lost, I get confused. That's what you're supposed to be there for, to pick up the pieces, not to trample over them like meaningless shard of an empty husk.
Anyway, to sum up the day, the boys in my life never let me down. Jon, and the twins, Marcus, Nasri, Wei Shen (double hees for that idiot), Nen (for the song) and Fen and Harry, and the most recent addition to the group (lol), Anthony.
I wouldn't say I'm happy, definitely not. But I'm quite contended in a way, just flowing along at ease. Maybe I'll get through the rest of the day okay. Maybe.
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