A slice of silence.

An unfailing ability to fall in love with all the assholes. Who is nothing without music, dance, words, a voice, and the ability to be swallowed in a crowd and never be found.

Justin Nozuka

Justin Nozuka
A man who never fails to make me study, help me sleep, and completely and utterly make my day. <3

Monday, November 15, 2010

Shine, a teen musical :)

Shine has seriously been one of the greatest, single handedly most challenging, disgustingly beautiful projects I've ever taken on. :) You guys are so bad, so unhelpful, so hard to control, so naughty and it's so impossible to force you guys to shut up. But, I don't think I really minded that much after all.

You've been there for me, to push me to study (which I have no excuse not to now, be happy.), to cheer me up even when you don't know I'm feeling down, to make me laugh, to increase the number of photos I have on Facebook (LUUULZ), to hold me, to love me when I needed it most.

Do you know how long it took for everyone to settle down and take this damn picture hahaha.
In no specific order.


Alethea Lim

One of those people, who can't seem to give enough compliments, to a point where I have absolutely nothing to say except thank you. You are so enthusiastic it's fun to watch haha. I'm glad you like being in the musical, it's been awesome, isn't it :)

Jocelyn Ho

Who's shoes, I seriously love. (YOU OWE ME IF I GET STRAIGHT A's FOR SPM.) I'm greeted with a 'Have you study or not?' every single time we meet. Haha. But, it's okay. You push me, academically, and I drive you insane. B)

Sarah Razif

I never seem to notice you, but you do make yourself known. Hee. Mr Zac can do a really good impression of you. It's amazing how you can never run out of nice things to say to everyone. PS: You're so bold, and you act better than me hahaha.

Yasmin Fareed

YOUR SURNAME IS FAREED? Lol. I remember my mum telling me that she wanted to call me Yasmin. I was shy like you when I was in Form 1, just, don't turn into me okay :D Hee. Your parents wouldn't really like the fact that you keep failing your exams -.- :D

Johann Razali

So, we're the kind of people who hate each other, but at the same time, don't really hate each other. I guess you could say that being in the musical has helped me understand who you are, and why you are a certain way. Problems and shit aside, thank you for tahaning my craziness, and my insanity :)))

Huan Sheng

YAY. How's your thumb? Anyway, you're too tall. Which is awesome, then you can date tall girls teehee. Johann, me and Mr Zac like you lots cause you're so 'kuai zhai'. Haha. Thank you, for being a teacher/choreographers pet B) HEE.

Zheng Xi

Boy with the British accent ;) Wasn't the car ride so fun! God, haha. I like your parents. And I think of a lot of the cast, you are one of those people I would miss. You, and your long face. (Which reminds me, Tiffany always calls you Horse hahaha.) You're so cute! Don't change :B

Chloe Lee

Haha. I didn't know you were Keefe's sister for a really long time. You, are definitely not a Plastic in real life :p You're too nice. Btw, awesome nails FTW!


Bryan Thor

Who knew one day I would be teaching you how to dance, huh. Haha. You're very adorable when you dance! ;D Join the musical again! Then we can continue our quest, for you to becoming a super sexy dancers B)


Sara Nadyana

For some odd reason, I really really like you. (LESBO MOMENT).And you look really good on stage, btw. Oh yeah, and it was funny cause during Diamonds you hit everyone with your bags when you were trying to go on stage hahhaha. Love you, I'll miss you ;(

Anisya Kaur

Omg, remember our boy talk in the car on my iTouch? IT'S STILL THERE. Haha. Oh my god, I'm going to miss you so much, I swear! You're so cute lah ;( And yes, I'll keep my promise to you. When I can drive, we can go out together, and I can give you crappy advice on boys, and PMR hahahahaha. ;D LOVE YOU.


You're just one of those type of people who never fail to make me smile, whom I would wanna give hugs to all the time. You're too cute to be human. Don't change, ever, okay? :) I wanna see you, 10 years down the road with your wife and kids haha. And see how you treat them. Thank you, for cheering me up all the time, HanseM. ;D

Sue Ling

Steal my (ex)husband during the musical huh >:( Haha. I love you! And your legs are too flexible, please chop them off and give them to me. I want them. I'll miss you so much lah :( Join the musical next year kay!

Chien Teng

The moment my mum saw you, she was like 'This girl is definitely those kind of girls that cannot sit down, and is very opinionated and straightforward.' haha. good judge of character, kan. ;)) I love the way you help kids from the PTPI cause of your heart, and not to add to your testimonial. Gah. I'll miss you.

Tiffany Khoo

UGH. Never ending discipline. 'Pull up your socks.' 'Wipe off your nail polish.' 'Tie up your hair.' 'Why are you wearing those shoes?' And the most recent, 'GO STUDY.' Haha. My mum liked you the moment she saw you on stage. You'll grow up to be a great mum ;)) Love youuu.

Sonia Seah

Omg, remember we were sitting in your car, and we were at McDonalds, and you called the lady 'Deaf bitch'. Rofl, that was so funny. You're so rude lah, I effing love you ;DD Hahaha.

Shanni Chew

I still CANNOT believe you're leaving without a farewell party. Lazy, lazy. You're going to regret, man ;)) Haha. Have fun in Aussie, and study, don't just go to Woo all the time, kay. That stick. Good luck! Love you, and I'm gonna miss you so much ;((

Mariam Azmi

I loved talking to you and Aliesha about boyfriends haha. We need to find a time to settle down and talk about how he asked you to prom ;) Btw, you looked AMAZING on stage, every single time you came out ;))

Lisa Phoon

Why is it that we don't have one normal picture together from Shine haha. Omg, you never fail to make me laugh with your sad make up skills ;D Haha. And your study study study studyness. I'll miss you so much lah, for some odd reason. Love you ;((

Shea Chew

My favourite Cat! ;)) I loved choreographing, whatever that stupid song was from Cats, with you. Haha. The couple dance was the best. Shit lah, Shea. I'm gonna miss you soooooo much when you leave. Do well in Aussie kay? And, STUDY YOU BITCH hahaha. When you come back we'll choreo lots together kay ;((( LOVE YOUUU.


Sarah Nadirah

Pfft. I'll forever keep in touch with you ;)) Love you to the ittiest bittiest pieces of my heart.

Tan Ian

Haha. The man who always has nice things to say about everyone. You don't look like a guy with a lot of sense of humor, but GOD. Hahaha. Then again, you don't look like you can act, dance, and sing, but look at you! You're lead role, man. I'm so proud of you ;))

Ee Gene

You're such a quiet little boy. I thought you and your brother were twins you know! Same glasses, same hair haha. Your acting, is truly truly amazing. I don't think anyone could've played same better than you. :) Don't change for anyone, okay!! And please, PLEASE, join the musical next year :D


I really love your role as Apple, and you seriously have apple cheeks haha. I've loved cheering with you, and using your OPI, and getting in trouble with all the prefects from school because of it ;)) LOVE YOU.

Aliesha Nadira

THANK YOU FOR THE FLOWERS. You know, by the end of the night, I was thinking, this is it, you know, all my hard work and everything, and I get congratulations from people whom aren't related to the project. But it's words from Mr Zac, and the flowers from you that really feel made the entire production worth it. Thank you so much :)) I love you, and I'll miss you ;(

Collin Looh

Haha. You annoying little boy. You drop so many weird comments on photos, don't you? Who knew that you would be a lead in Shine haha. Thank you, for being funny and unfunny to the point of funnyness :D

Yu Kong

My mugging mugger buddy. I'm glad I taught you, Bryan Thor and Ian how to dance. It makes me feel, like I've accomplished something haha. You are such a nice person :) And thank you for joining the musical, because I've gotten to know a person I didn't think I would, before I left high school :D

Joanna Tan

You, and your sillyness. Hahaa. Why did you quit tap? You silly girl ;( You. Sing. Amazingly. I loved DROMP the best, I swear to god. Cause of the dancing, and cause of you and Zheng Xi, and cause of your singing. You are godlike :D Heeee. LOVE YOU, and I'll miss talking to you and Anisya, and you and Shea, and you and Sue Ling :(


Sara Melissa

Omg, you is so adorable :B haha. I'll come back and help with cheer okay! So, DON'T WORRY. I'll still see you lots ;)) LOVE YOUUUU.

Jon Lee.

Pfffffffft. Ex husband, dumped me for a boy. Anyway, you've always been there for me when I needed you. I hate you, I love you. Thank you :))


Is that how you spell your name? DUDE. You completely change on stage! It's like, you're a different person altogether! GOD. You are, amazing. Now, do that during rehearsels so we won't ever doubt your talents ever again, okay :D

So, I think all of you deserve at least a blog post from me. :)


You do look amazing in black, I must say. We are of the same type ;)) Go on being smart, haha, don't end up like me ;D LOVE YOU.


Tian Foung

YOU ARE TOO CUTE. I don't know why. Your dancing, is so CUTE. UGH. Haha, I should learn how to dance like you hahahahaha. :D

The Band

Without you guys, it would be called Shine. Hee, cause you guys are the Musical part? Get it? HEH. HEH HEH. Uh, yeah. You guys are so pro! Props to Mr Andrew, and Mr Anderson (is that how I spell your name?) for making you guys so amazing haha. My mum was seriously impressed with the band, thought you guys were pros ;)) So to Addin and Tristan (CD seller hair), Ali the photobomber, Ee Vein, Duncan, Melvin, and everyone else in the band, congratulations, and thank you :)

And most of all to

Mr Zac

Without you, I wouldn't have the opportunity to watch ma babies grow into the people they are, and the characters they portray in the musical. Thank you, so so so very much. :)


I've not been in the best of moods lately. But after doing this post I find myself smiling at the bits and pieces of memories that I share with each and every one of you. :)

I know, I haven't been the best kind of choreographer, or the best kind of leader out there (which is one of the reasons why I didn't get nominated for anything ;D), but you managed to stick by me, and that's all I could ever ask.

Thank you so much, from the bottom of this insane heart.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Happy little girl.

Click to enlarge!

I've been taking my grandfather for granted lately, and just sitting there for 5-6 hours with him hardly talking, or hardly saying anything just shows how far family bonds can go.

He woke up once, and he looked at me with glassy eyes, and he said.

'Nicole. Human beings, can't be sad.'

And I wasn't feeling very happy at that moment.

My grandfather is my angel. :) I love him so much. So thank you everyone, for being able to share with me that intensity of love I have for my grandfather.

PS: Post about SHINE will be up soon.
I can't wait.
Love you all to bits.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


I miss love.

I miss the way it makes you feel, or the crazy things it makes you do. I miss the way, it makes you drop everything at the moment just to rush by his side, or to just lie together, not speaking, not needing to.

But most of all, I miss the substance of it, the part of love that keeps you so grounded, that makes everything so beautiful. I miss feeling the weight of someone else's hands in your own, that strange graze of course skin, the ability to memorize each and every feature of something you don't even need to look at.

I miss, being held. And to say that I miss it, is the understatement of the century. Again, it all comes down to substance. The course brush of his arms around your body, your head just fitting perfectly into the square of his shoulders, just the feeling of the weight of his arms around you, not the empty paper thinness that your mind conjours.

I miss, being kissed. Of one of the many things that comes with love, kisses, on the forehead, between your eyes, on your hands, between your fingers, on your cheeks, on your neck, on your lips. The gentle caress that surprisingly can come from guys with the roughest way of handling people. It's that pang, sometimes, when you subconsciously brush your fingers over your lips, and wonder what it's like to be loved to that extent.

But, what I miss most, is my care-freeness, and careless nature when it comes to guys. I've begun to realize how much I shy away, and how much of me I've closed up after two years. My frolicky nature has disappeared, and in replacement is a person who is so careful about falling for anyone. I don't bother to start conversations that end up with that satisfaction that sits on your chest for the rest of the day, and runs around your head when you're asleep. I've forgotten what it's like to carelessly throw your head over someone's shoulder, or brush your legs together, without feeling guilt, or that empty pit in your stomach that cannot just be filled with air.

The people I've opened myself to, have only betrayed me in a way that physical blows cannot come to. How could I have let myself be beaten around by people who did not understand how deeply these feelings course through my veins? Part of me had already been burnt out, by this estranged, enchanting, deceiving thing called love. Part of me had already died with all the people I've chosen to give myself to, because my belief and my faith in love, has only led me to a deranged sort of loneliness to fill the gaping holes.

"Love is terrible. But it's terrifyingly beautiful. Love satisfy the deepest aches in your being, quenches the thirst of the absence your body longs and desires to be accustomed to. Love never stops, and after a little taste of what it's destruction brings in it's aftermath, love never lets you go."

Weary, and completely used up.
Goodnight, neverland.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Amazing blues singers.

While waiting for my maid to finish cooking my dinner, I'm going to do a blog post about people who sing blues, reggae, you name it. Their voices are seriously, well, you can't really put a word on it. Except that it is so amazing haha.


1. Ray Charles

Ray Charles actually witnessed the drowning of his younger brother at age 5, and he lost his sight when he was 7. But his voice, and his determination to learn music is insane. Most of you should know of Ray Charles and the music he's produced. Funny, I didn't know he passed away in 2004, because I thought he passed away before I was born hahaha.

Georgia On My Mind is one of his more famous songs :)

Jamie Foxx and Alicia Keys covered it beautifully :D

I've Got A Woman has been covered by a lot of people, but I still like his rendition best. Hee.


2. Norah Jones

Norah Jones is another famous lady for her jazzy blues feel to all her music. Her music makes me feel like lying under the sun on the beach. Or sleeping with the rain pattering on my window. Or feeling the wind on my face.

Don't Know Why is one of my favourite songs :D

Come Away With Me is the second best.


3. Tom Waits

Tom Wait's growl is the sexiest thing in the world. I bet you a hundred million percent he beats all the metal singers FLAT when it comes to growling. His voice, is so so so so coooool, I swear to god. There's more raspyness in his voice than actual singing. He's such a freaky, beautiful man. He's like a real life Cookie Monster.

Picture In A Frame was one of the first songs I've heard from him.

God's Away On Business is the song with the insane growling ;)


4. Jimi Hendrix

He's another one of those people who are so legendary it's impossible. He wears all these Michael Jackson inspired jackets haha.

Voodoo Child! Is awesome. The guitar is (Y)


Just to add for fun.

One of the bands I find who are the freakiest, weirdest, people in the world are Cocorosia.

I'm warning you, and I repeat, am WARNING you, they are THE FREAKIEST, WEIRDEST group in the world.



Till then, lovers.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

#2: Things guys seem to like in girls.

So, my blog seems to have taken a turn, and instead of ranting about my life, and all the boring in betweens, I'm going to start doing surveys for the fun of it.

Today, we'll be talking about the random, beautiful things guys like in girls.

I talked to a few guy friends about it, and it seems to revolve around the same few topics. So in no specific order, the top 5 on the list.


1. Red hair

Wear it short, wear it long, it doesn't go wrong with the boys. Doesn't it go well with being a complete rockstar? Hence, Hayley Williams. Statistic shows that she is 3810830% more popular because she has red hair. (And by statistics, I mean me.)

Just make sure you never ever end up like Lindsay Lohan.

It's not the drugs. Trust me. It's the red hair. It will take revenge.


2. Humour

Who doesn't like a girl who can understand all your secretly laced jokes. It's perfect, and one of the main factors that keep a relationship interesting.

If you don't laugh in a relationship, quit. That's your brain telling you that your specific lover is the most boring, boring guy/girl you've ever met. And the Lord knows you can't live with a boring person for the rest of your life, and call yourself happy, cause that's just, well, boring. Girls, if you don't have a sense of humor. Grow a few funny bones, grow up, and perfect a fake laugh.

Smiling also uses less muscles than frowning! If you're telling me keeping your face neutral uses even less facial muscles, go suck on a dic...e, botox girl.


3. Food lover

This is just amazing. I couldn't even find a normal picture with a girl eating cake. Which totally proves how society fucks with a physical appearance of a girl. Fear not, as playful as boys are, they like a girl who can eat. So, don't take offense when they joke about the amount of food you eat.

So, breathe, it's not impossible to believe (I think). Find a guy who is totally comfortable with the food you want to eat. You do it everyday, every 3 hours ( FOR ME), and a boy who thinks you eat too much actually proves how much of a sissy, insecure guy he really is.

You don't care about the amount he eats, so why should he? A guy who lets me eat what I want would make a a very very happy little girl :)



4. Music

Music. Sweet.

And by music I mean, not trashy mainstream music, like disgustingly distasteful songs (talking) by Ke$ha. Find your own identity through your music. Don't let society, friends, and the radio determine the music you listen to. And don't listen to a certain song just because it's cool, because you're not gonna know what you're talking about, and then you're gonna make yourself look so stupefied in front of a guy teehee.

Music also means, girls who can play guitars, and probably sing a little. I mean, what's a better gift to a boy than a song written to him on your pointless monthly anniversaries, in a candle lit room. Hee. (Cheesy romantic movie music plays.) It's honestly a gabazillion times better than cracking your head and spending tons on a shirt that he would wear and eventually use it to sweat in for all his sports.


4. Ability to look good in his shirt

Honestly, boys just love girls who can look completely comfortable in one of his shirts, and no make up on, and pull off the bedroom hair, exposed legs look. Ah, sweet 20 and above year old fantasies, waking up beside your lover, in nothing but his shirts and his arms. Then again, you'd probably look like shit, cause reality totally fucks you up like that.


This probably shows that appearances aren't everything. So, don't worry. If a boy loves you, he'll love you in everything you wear, everything you do. Hee.

Oh did I miss this out.

The one thing that draws boy's eyes away from a girl's face. This is the reason why I'm single, and the reason why boys are called boys and not men.


OH WAIT, YOU DID. And it comes with a stud.

Anyway, hope it helps with the guys haha. I'm going to start taking their advice now.

Click! (Zee Avi-Bitter Heart) and Click! (Lisa Mitchell-Neopolitan Dreams) to listen to my top contemporary girl artists at the moment :)

Till then.