Embraces.

Her eyes are wild, her fingers searching for the couple of crumpled fivers in her jeans pocket. She digs out her money and slams it on the counter top, pointing at the pack of ciggs she's been dying to get. the Asian man behind the counter slides it across the surface. Her fingers curl around the plastic and rips it apart. She knew what she looked like on the outside. Untidy hair, mismatched clothing, tearing at the cigaratte packet, a hunched figure leaning over the counter. She cups her fingers over the lighter and brings a single stick to her dry, parched lips. She inhales and that blinding darkness lifts itself of her eyes. She blinks as her vision swarms, the sudden burst of fuzzy blue lights hurting slightly. As it clears, she stumbles outside, vaguely remembering the lazy fan that was spinning over her head, and the quiet murmmurs of onlookers.

She takes another long drag, letting the minty taste slide down her throat, seeping into her bloodstream. Every step she took seemed a little stronger than the last. She rubs the cold away from her fingers and hugs her overcoat closer around herself, unable to keep the blustery wind the winter brings, away.

Another deep breath. Not again, never this close ever again, she thought. What wouldve happened to her if she didn't get to the drugstore in time, she didn't know. She didn't want to know either. Though she seem to be able to hold herself together with the cigg between her fingers, burning away her worries, her life was falling apart.

She huddles close to a wall, brushing the snow off with her bristly overcoat. She watches people pass, hand in hand with siblings, children, families, lovers.

Her vision begins to blur again, and salty silver rivulets ran down her cheeks, marks of how lonely she is, streams of scars over her cheeks.

The sunlight is bleeched out by a person, a man, by the scent of him, cologne, not the cheap ones either. His arms wrap around her limp body like wings, wings of an angel. The cold seeped away from her blood stream. And tired, too tired to think about what is going on, she wilts and melts into his arms, two strangers with the urge to embrace like lovers.

He breaks away first, prying the cigaratte away from her lips. She looks up at him, and notices how stunningly good looking he was. His hair was golden to the point of being surreal, his eyes unnaturally dark in comparison with his ivory flavoured skin. He pushes back her hair behind her ears and flicks the ciggaratte to the side, grinding it with the underside of his shoe.

'Don't waste away.'

He smiles shyly at her before walking off, leaving her to battle his intentions in her head alone. She watches his sillouhette fade away into the distance, before returning his smile, shaking her head at the glimpse of life's few miracles, few angels.

She shoves her hands deep into her pockets, and pulls out the pack, dropping it into the next bin she passed.

Best day since ever :)

I hardly get to say I spend an actual amount of time doing something I love other than dancing, singing with the band, sketching while listening to music, or prancing around the house in my shorts. But, today, I truly truly realize that I just had one of my best days in the longest time.

Woke up late, rushed to the apartment, wowed at it for about 5 minutes cause it was HUGE. Went to eat at a mamak downstairs, just missed 8 tickets from the J's dad's friend to go to World Stage SOB, Jon went off to make his retainers.

Went back up and changed into the swim stuff, swam for the longest time, and took a whole lot of pictures. Jon joined us a little later, and we got out. Took a shower, then Shaun and Ryan went back home boohoo. Lucas and the twins went to take away Wendy's, while Jas Jon and I took a whole lot of pictures with the camera.

Ate, went upstairs and took a nap because we all felt like it. Woke up, the lift was jammed so we took another extra half an hour :) hee. We were on the 25th floor lol.

I love you guys.

You hold me without touch, keep me without chains.

This is something I've written, stone cold in the night. I don't think I'd ever be able to do this for a very long time. It's something I've once felt, and I don't want to go through that agony again.

~

I've memorized the creases in your eyes when you smile, the way you put your hands in your pocket when you're shy. I've noticed the infinitesimally tiny mole on your right cheek just beneath your gray eyes. You love jazz but you'd listen to pop songs to prevent everyone from feeling uncomfortable. You hate going to clubs, and would rather sit at home with an open book in your lap and your cat curled up upon the couch.

You've told me countless of things, things like singing musical songs to yourself in the park when you are alone, dancing under the sunlight from the lamp posts. From the days where you dress up in a suit and the most expensive of slacks to stroll around the park, to the times you've spent hunched over the desk for days, trying to discover who you really are, and your purpose for subsisting in a world unkind as this.

You've once told me that I was the only person to ever see you cry, for emotions are a restraint you've limit yourself to. I was the only one there to talk to you on your bad days, and held you together when everything else was falling apart. And though I did not let it show, in me I swelled with pride.

And now here I am, standing in front of you, looking at you. You smirk at me, that crooked grin only meant for my eyes. I help you pick out a tie, the red one, because it goes with your dark velvet eyes. I wrap it around your neck and tie it up, sliding my fingers across your chest, smoothening out your hair. You hold my cold fingers and blow into them, before drawing the strings of your dress shoes, and standing up.

I tell you that you look charming, and you said I wouldn't be able to look more effervescent than I do today, though I knew I looked like a mess. You've never failed to make me blush, have you?

And then you kiss me, first starting from the crown of my hair, and I close my eyes in sheer ecstacy. Then, you move to where my hairline meets the scalp, slowly sliding across to my forehead, then gently down to my nose. My arms hang limp at my sides, feeling your fingers brush my temples, tilting my head ever so slightly to yours. My heart races, beats, thumps ravagely in my chest as my skin writhes in discomfort, anticipating a brush of your lips against mine.

Then.

Nothing.

I thought the more I knew about you, gradually the more you would learn to love me too. But again and again, I am beaten down by my own insolence. You turn around to leave, but first blowing a kiss my way. My soul stretches, aches and yearns for the physical touch of our skin but I only laugh and wink to hide my shame.

You walk. Out of the room, out of the door, out of reach, and into her arms. I hear her laugh and thank you for the roses. Pink I said, always a girl's favourite. Well. At least mine.

I lie back across your bed and hug your clothes to my bare skin, breathing you in, breathing you out. I flip over to my side, and I wonder, my darling, how long would it take for you to realize that I have been in love with you so.

Did I drive you away.

Not the best. Sketching was supposed to make everything go away.

Your thoughts are hanging on the walls of my heart.

I wish I could go off soul searching.

I'm listening to The Script and Coldplay a lot lately. I feel that their songs reach out to me in ways I've never thought possible. And it's funny how I used to think Mayer and Coldplay were really annoying.

I'm sitting with Zoe's iTouch tuned into my head for the past few hours. She has amazing taste in her music (even though she doesn't have much Paramore or NO Mayer at all.) Maybe it's only amazing because our taste is so similiar. Haha.

School has been a torrent of drawings and art (in malay, bleh.) On top of that, Azlina's leaving in about a weeks time, and I'm so sorry to see her go. She's just been the most amazing, sarcastic, sexiest art teacher. But I understand why she has to leave, and I don't object :)

I haven't been catching up with much of my school work, thanks to my art. I gotta do really well for my trials, else I'd have to wipe my hands off writing the script and choreographing performance and awards night.

I'm dying to walk away from this all. I don't think I can take it all in anymore.

You don't know how lovely you are.

How I've been dying for a tat.

The only thing that's holding me back is SPM.

School.

And god damn, a whole lack of greens.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you tonight.

I thought this was impossible to finish at first.

But Mayer, Adele, Duffy, Winehouse, ACDC, 30STM, Panic and FOB helped me a lot.

I'm almost done.

And like love, I doubt I can take this all in at one go.

Prolly finish this up by the end of the week.