Marriage.

So, I'm finally married. I was waiting for the day all my life. (5 minutes, trust me.)

We had a beautiful wedding, really. Just the computer, connecting us in ways that we didn't deem possible. We exchanged Cheezel wedding rings (Jon ate them all), and I was supposed to get onion rings for all my piercings but Jon ate those to.

Hopefully he doesn't intend to eat all jewellery he wants to give me. I was thinking a necklace string of gummy bears? Or a bracelet made of M&Ms.

Okay, husband, my J.Co, are you happy now.

You wasted 10 minutes of my life talking about how we got married through technology. People should learn from us. The new generation of wedlock. We so fly, bebeh. (Y)

Don't ask me if we're for real or not.

If you say we're not, you're probably insulting the entire relationship, and the both of us. Either that or you can't take us seriously.

Then again, if you believe it, you might be taking us too seriously. After all we're a couple. Of jokers.

Then again, if you don't, you'd feel like an idiot trying to deny it in front of us, when we both clearly know we love each other.

Then again, we are hard to predict.

Then again, being full of surprises, we're probably the last thing you'd believe us to be, or the first.

Hee. Mindfuck (Y)

Good luck in your SATs. Remember when you SAT on a CAT, it fArTed, which is why you shouldn't be SATing. But it's okay. American degrees are cool.

Too much is never enough.

I miss you guys so much :/

So I've decided the blog needed a redo, and I spent ages trying to find a sexy background picture. Now that that's all settled, we'll move on to less boring, trivial things.

SPM is less than 50 days away.

Which at the moment scares the shit out of me. I'm waiting for the stress, and the overwhelming need to put on a pair of glasses and bury my head in my books to come, but it's not coming. Which probably means that my brains have gone bonkers. I mean, in all honesty, I expected myself to freak out, and anticipated a great change in my studies. But so far, nothing.

The amount of shit being pilled onto my back at this point of time is alarming. I'm surprised I didn't just roll over and break my spine in half. I couldn't even fit my driving lessons in between my schedule. I need some space, some quiet space in the middle of nowhere (with plenty of internet, though), to just think thoughts that don't need to be thought of to think. If you geddit.

I honestly can't wait to enter the next phase of my life where I get to live like how I want to. I hope my parents feel that they should invest in me going to the UK to do my IB. I don't think I can stand another hot day in Malaysia. Or another one of those days where I stay in the house and do nothing.

I can't wait to work on my dance again, finally. Ballet's amazing and all, but nothing beats dancing on your own. And with the new iTouch dad got me, it's only going to make everything easier. I love my songs, I love how I can listen to them fullblast at any given moment. I love how I'm connected to the internet wherever I go (mostly?).

Questionable time of buying it, though. Next week is trials. And I haven't even gotten started on my studying. Life is just the shittiest mess you've ever been in, isn't it. Well, my ballet teacher found out about me choreographing the musical, which, haha, made her interested in coming to watch. Whoopie. The loaded stress on me, after taking ballet from her for the past 11 years. But I think she'd like it, I hope she does. Hee.

Completely lazy to rant about the whirldwind of emotional crap I've been through lately. There's just not enough happiness to cover it all up. Tralala.

For those of you who have missed out on the epic penis...

*click to enlarge

Just to cheer you up on your terrible days. Like the one I'm having today. I'm probably going to end up extremely bitter after this episode. No more charity shit for people who don't need it. From today on, everything I do for people comes with a price. I'm not going to be that wimpy little push over like everyone assumes me to be.

Have a jolly effing good day, everyone.

College dilemmas. Putting the world on a hold.

I found a college I really want to go to. UWC Atlantic, in the UK. It's a castle, and Harry Potty was gonna shoot there but they had classes going on so it got called off. It's huge, it's beautiful, it's amazing, it's far from home. I know I sound like a brat, but it's such an amazing opportunity how can you not reach out and grab it? On the plus plus plus side, I found a friend of mine who is currently attending this palace, so I'm gonna know more about it than ever. And I hope I get to go.

But the fees just blew my parents head off. Lucas's school fees are nadda, zero. Which is probably why dumping $45000 pounds on their laps wasn't such a good idea. But Costa Rica, Italy and Norway all sound like amazing places to go to, innit?

Anyway with reality done, I'm going to start accounting my fantasies.

I'm planning to take an eight month gap to work on my dance and earn a couple bucks just for kicks. Gonna try out working under Mr. Zac's new Musicast. The crew's opening up a studio soon so I'm gonna try that out too. Maybe get myself into a more artsy fartsy mood so I can gear up for going overseas.

Then, I'd pack my wand, my maroon cape, take my owl's cage, wear the striped red and yellow tie. Get frizzy orange hair, and a brain. Change my name to Hermoine, and join Harry Potty and Ron Weasle in my Hogwarts in the UK in September.

Hells, yeah (Y).

Impulsive blogging?

It's just amazing how a person so far away, can make you feel like you can do anything with words. What I've come to learn of friendship is that it has to make you feel amazing about yourself, it has to change you with the way that person invades your space. When it comes to friendship, you need to choose wisely.

Sure, you let everyone in. You mold yourself to become what they need, a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, a funny face, a best friend. But you need to learn which of those are willing to sit by you when shit happens, who would catch all your tears, who would tell a silly joke to watch you crack a smile.

Boy, girl, fat, thin, ugly, beautiful. Friends are amazing people.

And now, with the ranting that has been running through my head all afternoon sorted out, I'm going to dream about the beaches, the beautiful people, writing, feeling like I'm being in love, and being told the most wonderful things by people I love.

I am just a blinking roadside neon attraction.

Today is day two without the brother, and temporarily without the parents. And what I would imagine to be a break for freedom, I find myself reluctant to reach out and grab it. I find rivulets of tears streaming down my face when I wake, but I hardly remember my dreams. I find scars along the sides of my arms, which they do not bear. I find tainted beauty in music and I cannot hear. I find myself staring into the most beautiful starry skies, and the richest of sunsets within the four walls of my confinement. I find wars inside me battling each other, wearing me out, when I look perfectly fine on the outside.

I'm hallucinating within myself, within the limits of my sanity, my thoughts battling back and forth from breaking out, and closing in. My emotions are stirred. It's true, you'll never know what you've got till it's gone.

Relating back to the topic. I woke up on a Tuesday morning, teary eyed from an impossibly sad dream I cannot remember, stumbling out of bed and cringing at the sight of the rising sun. I crack open my door and stepped out, and I find the door opposite mine hanging open as well, dark and forbidding.

With sleep still in my head, I walk into the room, already used to the slight darkness. I find that nothing has changed. The sheets lay spread out neatly, the carpet cleaned and maroon, the drum kit and sticks waiting to the played. The tables filled with photo frames, the counter tops with clothes, the study desk scattered with paper.

A slight tingle in my chest.

It was a presence that struck me. In fact, it was the fact that there were no presence that struck me the hardest. It was hardly a change except for an absence of the notebook on the desk. But the main essence of the room is gone. And for three years, the smell that lingers will slowly disappear. The dusts will gather. The room will fade to nothing.

I wish I could stop the word from spinning, my head, my emotions. There's nothing to hold onto when everything doesn't stay the same. You get a rush of memories when a song is played. A pang in your chest when you see someone with the same hair, or the same kind of walk. A smile playing across your lips when you recite back things that you know they would say.

But time doesn't care about wishful thinking. Time doesn't judge. Time doesn't give a shit. And that's why you have memories, pictures, videos, recordings, drawings, writings, to force you to remember, force you to always keep in your memories.

To make sure, you never, ever forget.

We are back.

Woots. Sri KDU Unplugged here we come.