lyI've been inspired to write a lot of notes, lately. It's probably because I have a lack of

This.

Yes, love. Ah, the old fashioned, lost chilvary of mankind. How I long for, and dream of a modern man who wouldn't break my heart! My poor laments of a weird newly adapted college student. *Deep dramatic sigh*

Anyway, my recent note actually inspired me when I was in

Here.

The toilet! Where I have done most of my cover videos, and most recently clogged up one ear while washing my face in the basin. While being half deaf, and shaking like a dog to clear the water out, I actually could hear my pulse thudding at the back of my head, thus.

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?created&&note_id=494185187701#!/notes/nicole-chen-wen-ni/in-my-deaf-i-live/494185187701?notif_t=note_comment

My note!

Sorry for the very ugly link, my computer side of my brain has completely abandoned me at a most important time :)

ANYWAY. The main reason why I wrote this, is because I'm beginning to get quite annoyed that I can't forget what I've written. I love reading in a third person's point of view, which technically why I love reading in the first place. Because not knowing a story, and understanding it from a different vantage point, pretty much makes me feel as fucking awesome as I like to be.

But, reading what I write is like sitting the same car everyday. You notice how it disgustingly smells like old people, and the aircond makes weird groaning noises when you switch it on. And the music goes all stupid when you're in a tunnel. Wait, I'm completely missing the point.

What I need, is a 'FORGETFULANATOR!' (inspired by Phineas and Ferb, and Doofersmrth (?) LOL)

Well, it's a really complex instrument, I wouldn't expect you to understand. If you look closely, I have also added in my multiple piercings, and even a red flower, for it to look my fashionable. The colorful buttons are for colors, cause I'm a colorful person. They have secret purposes, again, not saying you guys would understand. I don't think you can even cope with how sexy the entire drawing is.

Boohoo.

Anyway, when I become a famous designer, I will bring the Forgetfulanator to life. Then you'll know the magic of my machine!

Till then, I'll be working on my schematic plans and blue prints for it. Toodleloo. College starts officially in 7 hours 30 minutes, and counting :D

You can laugh A spineless laugh. We hope that your rules and wisdom choke you

I am currently so bloody addicted to Ok, Computer again haha. I stumbled across this video, of Exit Music (For A Film) and I swear, I have no heard a better cover of it. Even Jack Conte's Chopin mashup was not even a close contender :)



So click, click and listen :)

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Anyhuhahey, college has been seriously amazing, I guess. Excluding all the insanely draggy, long, boring, tear-inducting lectures that we've got throughout orientation week, of course. We were introduced to some insane lecturers, especially when it comes to the FID (Foundation In Design) students, cause it's the first time I've seen a lady, nevermind a lecturer, who has more piercings than me! Geez, that was incredible heh hehehehe.

Anyway, to sum my post up, I'll just show you some of the pictures I've taken so far with people whom I've just met, or have known since forever :)

(L to R): Yi Li, Daniya from Kazakhstan, me and Siew Wei :)

Elwin Chin

Yoke Yin haha.

Ma dancer drummer boi, Arya :)

AH FOOOOOOO.

Naddy and Tas, whom I haven't seen in ages :)

Arya, Ah Foo boy and Nasri! :D

Nasri, me and Arya :)

Aaaand, Paul the Ah Foo Boy, with Nicole the Purple Dinosaur :)

Teheee. I hope I can continuously blog because I don't know if I'd be to busy to when college begins. Schedule for FID is even worst than the Communication, Business and Architecture students :/ SIGH.

Love you people.

College?

I'm sitting here. Sipping an orange flavored Vitagen, listening to Carnival of Rust, and wasting my life in front of a bright white screen. For the last few conscious hours I have as a graduated high school kid, I managed to earn my first pay check (DING DING), choreographed two dances with help of Sara and Jon, seen Jon 3 times in a day, and watched LXD for the third time with Ryan.

I would like to lie to myself, and everyone else reading this, that my last day as a graduated high school kid was so productive. But, hell. It's a new day tomorrow, my bag is completely unpacked. I mean, what bag? Should I bring a bag pack, or a huge carry over shoulder thingy? Should I wear shorts, or a skirt, leggings, jeans, jeggings, a dress, sleeveless, long sleeved, a belt, accessories, bangles, make-up (HAHA), etc etc.

College is honestly a huge thing to look forward to, I guess. New people coming into an environment who love doing the things I do. I step out from that trivial high school life, and no longer regard Sri KDU as the school I'm studying in. I have to tell everyone I'm 18 this year, and act like I am too.

It's hard, haha. But, up till today. There's nothing I would change for the world. I got where I am, because of everyone in it. Everyone who brought me down, everyone who made me laugh, everyone who doubted my capabilities, everyone who hated the way I dressed, everyone who found me alluring, everyone who didn't.

In approximately an hour, 15 minutes and counting. I'm taking another step into another phase of my life.

And, I realize, I don't have any gel pens in my pencil case.

I love life. :)

Trifling thoughts.

I'm so desperate for something. It's that feeling like you're sleeping just beneath a thick sheet of ice, and you're trying to break out. My chest is collapsing into itself. It's hard to breathe. I love the layers beneath every part of you, the part that covers you, the part that is concealed beneath a sheen of bravery, a false facade to face the hardship of reality. I feel like I could break into that, like I could slip past the outer core of who you seem to be, into the person who you actually are. What if I can? What if I do? What if I hurt you, and I can't take it back? I love how you hide so many parts of yourself within the parts of who you try to be. I love how I catch little glimpse under the peeled back layer of artificial mockery of yourself. I need to stop myself from laughing out loud, stop that strange swelling behind the pocket of my shirt. I like the crease in your back, the strong tan you've seemed to have developed, a trivial turn over I've only begun to see. I feel like gliding through that fabrication of disbelief you have. I just need to see you for what you are, for who you are, for everything you want to be. You engrave a part of yourself into me, started up the spark that has so long been dead. I don't know if it's the strange words and pictures that depict who you are, I don't know if it's the way you walk, or the way you look at me sometimes, I don't know if it's something in the way you talk or smile. But I'm happy. I'm happier. And you did this to me. You make me feel amazing, and beautiful. You make me feel worthwhile, like I'll never ever be forgotten.But I lack a faith in myself. My own bravery, my own salvation to the ache of my heart, hidden behind my own mask of make belief and distant smiles. I can't bring myself to tell you. Of course, a strange sort of fantasy that has been floating around in my head for the past few days. The thumping of my heartbeat, gaining momentum, every inch, every fiber in my being reaching out to touch you in a way that my head wouldn't allow me to.

I'm so sorry. For myself. For you. For everything that is not meant that be, and can never exist. I'm so sorry for everything, because this is something you will never know.

Madd Chadd Spree.

Well, since I'm bored, waiting for lunch to be cooked and I'm on a Madd Chadd Spree after watching The LXD (The Uprising Begins), I'm going to blog about reasons why I have to marry Madd Chadd :)

TEEHEE.

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1. He's 6"2

As you can seee. TEEHEE. He's so tall, he's a giant robot. He's a humongous walking, talking (not really), ROBOT. Damn, 6"2 of sex right there.

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2. His physical appearance ;D

Have you ever met a man who has

Wentworth Miller's hot sexy ability to pull of an overnight unshaven gruff of facial hair, and a bald head ;D

Michael Phelps oh-so-toned sexy body (Ignore the face)

And Teddy Geiger's dreamy eyeeees.

And still manages to be a robot ;)

That's Madd Chadd for you right there ;D

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3. He can literally be an Oscar Award :D

And still look absolutely fabulously sexy in a pair of golden speedoes, and has the ability to make guys say 'I have Just watched a practically naked man covered in paint dancing for my pleasure and i have an erection................I and now i think im gay.' WOOOT.

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4. He looks damn good in suits ;)

When I dance, I want people to question the reality of what they're seeing - Madd Chadd.

Sexiest quote in the world hands down.

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Daaamn, I gotta go get changed now. If you know what I mean. Ahem.

Till thennnn. :D

New Years Resolution :)

My new years resolution from 2009. :D

1. Finish my canvas.

2. Finalize N.M.E

3. Finish the design on my wall and the paintings.

4. Pass my ballet exam

5. Fulfill Yu Hui's wish :D (can laah i think.)

6. Have fun for new years

7. Have latin classes with KCG! :D

8. Get better clothes, get a job.

9. Dont fail any of my SPM subjects

10.Don't falter.

11.Beg daddy to give me a Volkswagen Beatle/ Golf GTI

12. Don't crash the damn car.

13. Get on that plane to Paris.

14. Get 100 views on youtube?

15. WATCH DARREN SHAN WITH RACH THE DARREN SHAN BUDDY.

16. Fall in love.

I probably accomplished only about 5 of the things I wanted to do last year ._. Which kind of sucks. Haha. So instead of mopping about and crying, I'm going to create a wonderfully WONDERFUL new list, in which I will attempt to finish all :D

1. Do a black and white canvas of either Marilyn Monroe, or Audrey Hepburn.

2. Do at least two major sketches every month.

3. Finish designing and printing n.M.e T-shirts and hoodies for the crew!

4. Be successful teaching dance.

5. LOSE WEIGHT.

6. Be a waitress for at least a month.

7. Dye my hair red. (DONE THAT.)

8. Get a nose piercing.

9. Get an anti-tragus piercing.

10. Watch at least 5 movies that are completely and utterly worth every cent.

11. Get 500 songs on my iPod. (I'm picky.)

12. Get 10,000 tweets! :D

13. Enter n.M.e in a major national dance competition!

14. Drive a car :(

15. Fall in love.

TEEHEE.

So yeah, I'll be keeping an eye. Rationalizing my resolutions to fit in my 365 (now 363) days of 2011.

Things to watch out for:

1. I do not write 2010 for my dates.

2. I do not crash the car.

3. 2012!

Have a good year guys. :)